We all have our rough days and nights. Unfortunately, that was tonight for me. We were having a discussion tonight about the meaning of Rosh Hashanah, which is considered the holiest of days in the Jewish year. It has always been an incredibly meaningful holiday for me, since it closes this past year and gives us a chance to reflect and repent as we move on into the new Jewish year. It is also a time of family, and spending time with those who we love. Unfortunately, some people I was talking with didn't seem to take it as seriously, and it made me close up on my feelings much more than I should've. On top of that, there was already some issues that were bothering me, such as how little time we have had on our own, and how I still felt like I wasn't really living in Israel because of how constrained I was feeling. After our meeting, I just had to get out of the apartment and thankfully found Noah and Jennifer, and we were all expressing our concerns and really there for one another.
Our group of 27 is a great one, but when it comes to things such as Shabbat and Rosh Hashanah, where I have from Friday afternoon until Tuesday night off to spend the holidays, it feels like I should be with my family. I still do not know what I'm doing, as I'm not sure what I feel best about doing. However, I realized tonight especially that there are people there who are in the same position as me, and that I'm not the only one feeling alone in such a new environment. I definitely don't want anyone to worry about me. I love being here, and I know things will only get better from here. It's always hard being in a new place, especially when you feel so confused about it all. Hopefully by the time Shabbat and Rosh Hashanah come around, I will be at a content place, and spending time with people I can call my family.
(I'll have an actual blog post soon!)